– A man in my home town of Chapel Hill, a man who lived at the same complex as some friends of ours (friends who have a precious, always-huggable little boy) shot three people in a parking lot. Over a parking space, they say, but the entire nation looks on in shock and morbid fascination.
– I read Lara Casey’s book Make It Happen. I get to have lunch with her in a few weeks, and I devoured her thoughts. I plan to devour more over actual food, too.
– I sat at the restaurant in Jackson Hole, happily spent, drunk on ski town love, and realized I would never ever live in this remote, beautiful, wild place of perfection.
– I binged-listened to SERIAL podcasts on the plane. All 12 episodes in 2 days.
– I recorded a Blogging411 episode with NJ of A Cookie Before Dinner and it was brutifully (word courtesy of Glennon) honest. Every blogger, writer, person needs to hear what she has to say. It was refreshing and real.
– I watched The Titanic for the first time in a decade and the images of people, torn from loved ones, flailing to their death, ripped me like it hadn’t before. I hadn’t seen it since I had children and became a mother. Now, the scene where the mother calmly tucks her two cherub-like young boys in to bed, telling them stories of eternal youth, not crying yet knowing she is tucking them in to their death, haunted me. It was very different watching this now, impressed by my own mortality in recent years, than it was over a first date in college with a bunch of Mike & Ikes.
– My husband relayed to me a news story where an Indian grandfather, visiting America for the first time, was inaccurately called in to the police for suspicious behavior, the police tackled him, and he is now paralyzed. Much like the Statue of Liberty.
All these things are related because all these things have lead to a deep-in-the-heart sad and scared-shitless Allison the past week.
While this all ensues, and pursues me, I took a break. I took a break from submitting, working, pushing, and worrying about the new business.
My lungs are fighting off the illness in this house, and unsuccessfully I might add.
I am getting back to healthy eating and my stomach is craving.
To top it off my heart feels weary these days. I feel dread, fear, and depression. The world is evil. It is so very, very evil. And in to this evil world I am to go, boldly, seizing a better life, a great life and a happy life.
People keep telling me to make plans, do worksheets, to find my happy. But it is hard when the world has been displaying that she can have other, cruel plans: as you skip off to your yoga class in your Lululemon pants while applauding that you haven’t been on Facebook all day, your friend’s house is broken in to in the middle of the day.
In to this world I am to raise my kids. I am actually to let my kids GO ON THEIR OWN in to this world. In to the very close world just down the street where a minivan of men are trying to kidnap children by asking for help finding their lost dog. We live in a safe town, by all comparisons and standards.
Evil world. Safe town in an evil world.
Depressing post, depressing article. Wondering why you are still reading?
Because we have hope, still. Always.
I have been asking:
So what is a mom to do? What is a girl to do? What is a human being to do?
– We forage on.
– We hug tighter. We laugh louder. We turn up the music and dance until we are breathless.
– We look down at our legs that just swept us down a ski slope and thank God that we are not paralyzed. At least, not today.
– We realize we can never know our future, or the future of our loved ones, but all we can do is know that we DO know, and carry, and have the moment. This moment. I know this moment.
– We watch Titanic and know God gave us the right spouse when he makes us stop asking questions like, “Do you think you would have the courage to say no to the lifeboat to come back and get me?” and, instead, he makes us focus on their young love and passionate kisses.
I look at Chapel Hill and I choose to see the church on campus, striking towards the sky. I choose to take a moment to read the remarkably smart, life-changing stories that come out of this progressive town. I remember that this little area has birthed some of my favorite music and given the world brilliant books and authors. A few miles from where 3 people senselessly lost their lives, mind-blowing research is being done and children, sick children, are being given new life.
The world IS senseless.
The world IS evil.
But the world is also beautiful and remarkable and unique and joyful and full of hugs and people doing good things and humans always striving to be better.
That’s the world I want to focus on and the world I want to remember I live in.
So I choose.