School has ended, the piano recital was held, we are in the last week of spring sports and I find myself confused. I am simultaneously ready to grab hold of some of those lingering projects that have fallen aside during the busy-ness of the school year (organizing family photos, cleaning out the pantry, getting my drafts done and posts up on this website) and ready to do nothing but sit and smell my kids’ sweet heads as they grow taller and farther away from me. I feel tired yet energized. Can you relate?
Here is where else I am currently.
“currently” I am…
I love that my boys love to read. As you may remember, we have been reading Chapter Books for years. Finding books they love excites me, but also keeps me busy. We just finished Peter and the Starcatchers and are now on to Flora & Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures.
For myself, I am almost finished listening to The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schummer. I am not one for vulgarity, so sometimes I do have to hold my nose and get through parts, but overall, the book has been an enormous surprise. It has had me laughing and crying. I just finished reading a classic, Middlemarch, and picked up Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. Option B is quite depressing for me, having the opposite intended effect on me. Instead of learning resilience, I am overhwlemed by how many terrible things happen in the world and it makes me sad. But I love Sheryl Sandberg and found Lean In inspirational so I continue.
Overall, I have been reading some pretty thick (and dense) books lately and it is killing my Goodreads stats.
eating… a lot of smoothies, not varying much from my smoothie recipes here. Written in 2013, that post is still one of my most useful.
thinking… a lot about this blog and my goals for it. For I haven’t changed my heart from my Manifesto. So much of the Internet is done already, nothing new seems to exist. I don’t have the passion or heart anymore for raging, poetic essays about the fleetingness or hardship of motherhood. I love being a mom and I have come to peace with my life and who I am. I like me, and my kids.
So it means that this space is turning more into a place for me to share my tips, travels, books and lifestyle thoughts. It is a place to document my adventures in the hope that they inspire someone.
But I know that I do not have the capacity to devote to this space in the way it needs to truly grow. I can not be a magazine staff all by myself. Which leads me to ask: if you create a blog and no one reads it, does it matter? Do I keep this going as an ego project or simply because it makes me happy? If people read it and share it or, even better, if I get to build relationships based on these posts, even though there won’t be tears at the end of the article, I think that’s still a potential upside. And for hobbies, it doesn’t cost any real money, so I don’t really see a reason to stop. Which means that maybe my motivation is getting clearer…even though this paragraph is WAY confusing.
enjoying… my new job(s). I am in a state of transition, again it feels. For the past two years I have pieced together various freelance jobs. It’s been chaotic yet fun. One of those blossomed and in July I start full time as Managing Editor for two local magazines that I am proud of. It is a big change for our family – one we feel scared about yet ready for. After failing at re-entering the workforce before, I feel different about this go around. I will have to share more about how this all came about in a different post.
watching…the end of Downton Abbey. Finally. We have almost finished after taking a year hiatus for no particular reason. I reiterate I am just not that into TV.
In fact, maybe I will just eliminate this category since I am useless at it and add something like “wondering.” For instance, right now, I am wondering how long it will take for fidget spinners to be banned from schools. My kid is more of a fidget with a spinner than without.
loving… discovering new passions. Lindbergh wrote in her book The Gift from the Sea about being a woman, especially a mother:
She will be shattered into a thousand pieces…she must conciously encourage those pursuits which oppose the centrifugal forces of today. Quite time alone, contemplation, prayer, music, a centering line of thought or reading, of study or work. It can be physical or intellectual or artistic, any creative life proceeding from oneself. It need not be an enomorous project or a great work. But it should be something of one’s own.
I have been trying to find that, to find my sacred thing. Writing is too fraught with ambition and performance for me, unfortunately. Changing my mindset towards writing will be a worthy challenge but one I am not ready to tackle yet.
So I have used the past year to branch out. I have taken up paddleboarding and tennis (no, not at the same time, two different things). More on those adventures in subsequent posts. While I haven’t fully immersed myself in either one enough to become good at them, I do like feeling competent while simultaneously challenged.
I guess, ultimately, I am currently feeling pulled in all ways simultaneously. But that’s not bad.
For fun, here is a list of past “currently” posts, and it is so fun to see what has changed and what remains the same.
Currently from January 2016: health questions
Currently from June 2016: such a summery edition with yoga, new arm candy, and my Gilmore Girls confession
Currently from January 2016: puppy photos!!!
Currently from May 2015: the time when my online writing career was my obsession (how we learn!)
Currently from January 2015: the “Renaissance of my life” – I am so dramatic sometimes
Currently from July 2014: breakfast cookies and cutting the cord
Currently from April 2014: the geek version
Currently from January 2014: work guilt
Currently from October 2013: the first one!
Of course, like I said, the best part of these Currently posts are hearing what YOU are Currently doing, friends. So if you have any recommendations, send a note my way!